Niisan Older Brother
by Ina-chan
Summary: Sometimes you don't realize how important someone is to you... until you believe you almost lost them


DISCLAIMER: FURUBA belongs to Takaya Natsuki-sensei. No money made from this fic. 

Note: This is the full version of the fic originally submitted to Newtype Magazine for the FURUBA fanfic contest, and this fic was also submitted to Anime North 2003 contest (both failing miserably). I hope ordinary readers don't share the same opinions about how it sucks. ^_^.

Finished: December 31, 2002

First Posted Online: May 21, 2003

"Niisan (Older Brother)"                                              

by Ina-chan

The sun is smiling brightly, its warm rays shining through the taxi's windows. The scenery outside is a delight to anyone's eye. The horizon is clear and blue, a perfect background to the soft pink petals of the cherry blossom trees in full bloom. Sometimes nature can be cruel. Insensitively bringing such a perfect spring day. 

Like eleven years ago…

As the memories wash over me, I immediately feel that familiar anxious pressure in my chest, tightening like a vise around my lungs. I close my eyes, willing a comforting blanket of numbness to protect me. To my relief, the pressure in my chest eases. 

"Yuki-kun?" My seatmate's worried voice filter through my consciousness

I open my eyes and turn around to face pair of warm brown eyes peering at me worriedly. From the rearview mirror, a pair of crimson eyes is watching. Trying and failing to look disinterested at the scene happening at the rear passengers' seat.

"I'm okay," I reply, forcing a smile on my lips. I immediately turn to the quickly passing scenery outside. If I continue to look into those warm orbs, I'll lose all my control in holding back the tide of emotions, threatening to pour out of me. The last thing I want is for the stupid cat to see me cry. Unfortunately, neither that action, nor the exercises that Shihan taught me is able to stop the reel of memories flashing on the screen of my mind's eye.

Back at that time… when I was seven-years-old… the weather was just as beautiful. I hadn't been plagued by a single spasm for over a week. It wasn't hard to convince them to allow me to play in the garden with the other children. There was a boy… Tetsuya… He was even smaller than me. I heard that the older kids at his school bullied him because of his size. But that only happened once.

/"Because my big brother beat them up!" Tetsuya announced proudly, his eyes shining as he spoke of his older brother, "He's the best in the world!"

"Eh? But isn't your brother mean to you? He teases you until you cry!" One of the other kids protested in disbelief

"He does sometimes, but I don't mind, because he's really kind. He protects me and always helps me when I need him! He doesn't make fun of me when I cry in front of him. That's what older brothers are for."/

I didn't know that was what older brothers were for. Because Niisan, you acted like I didn't exist. So when I heard Tetsuya say that… I hoped.

When that accident in the garden happened, and my secret was exposed… I hoped.

When Akito said that all my friends' memories had to be erased… I hoped.

When my trembling hand reached out for your sleeve to ask for your help… I hoped…

I hoped…that you would turn around… that you would look back at me with your golden eyes to give me a warm smile… that you would put your hand on my head to comfort me… that you would say that you'd help me… protect me. But instead… you brushed me aside without hesitation and walked away without a second glance.

Tetsuya lied… Akito was right. Nobody would care about me. My destiny was to live alone in the darkness… to be alone…

So be it. 

You really are just an annoyance anyway. I never understood you. The embarrassing way you carry yourself. The way you seek after me now, to make yourself feel better for being the uncaring older brother you used to be. I've always told myself that I would never care about you, no matter what you did.

"Oi," The stupid cat's voice calls out gruffly

Once again, I snap out of my trance and instinctively turn towards the direction of the voice. I guess, I am still half caught in my thoughts since the only thing that ran through my mind, as I blinked at him blankly, is to silently wonder what it is that Kyou wanted.

"We're here, get out of the car," Kyou continues in that gruff voice of his, though the features on his face soften

"Sorry," I mumble, feeling a little sheepish, as I step out of the car

I must look really stupid. Even the Stupid Cat didn't bother to hide his apprehension. I purposely look away to avoid the look of concern etched on Honda-san's face. She's been wearing that expression since I first saw her waiting for me outside the teacher's staff room. 

Uotani-san and Hanajima-san were standing on each side of her, like sentries. Looking serious and a little scary. Even the teachers didn't bother trying to send them back to class. I didn't even realize that she followed me. I couldn't help but feel guilty. Seeing me rush out of the class like that must have brought unpleasant memories for her. But, to my surprise… Kyou, on the other hand… was already waiting for us outside the school gate.

And now… the gates of the main house loom threateningly in front of us. 

I didn't want Honda-san to come here. Though, I knew that there is no stopping her from accompanying me. She becomes oblivious to everything else when she's worried about something. Despite of myself, I didn't have the heart to turn her away. 

Kyou didn't want to be here and had no intention of stepping beyond that gate. If the Main House is like a figurative cage to me, it's a literal prison to him. I couldn't understand why he came in the first place. Though knowing him, it was most likely only because of Honda-san. 

Nonetheless… despite those feelings… I'm actually glad they came. 

You see Niisan… I didn't want to come here. The fact that you are the reason why I came… it puzzles me, Niisan. 

I really didn't want to be here.

But… Why is it? When Shigure called for me in school…

/"Yuki-kun… you better go to the Main House right away…"/

What is it?  This sense of dread when he said those words…

/"…there was an accident… A-ya is… he…. Ha-san brought him to the Main House… I already sent a taxi to pick you up… Hurry…"/

Why is it? That my legs walk through the halls of the place I vowed never to set foot on again, without a second thought…

"Yuki? Why are you here?" Hatori meets me in the hallway, surprise evident in his usually stoic monotone

"Niisan!?" Is all I could manage to utter 

"He's inside," Hatori motions to the door he had just exited

It's only then that I really start to feel it… standing hesitatingly in front of that door. My heart is hammering inside my chest, and I am suddenly feeling deathly afraid to see the scene I expect to see. My vision is blurring and the door is swimming in front of me. I'm pretty sure I'm on the verge of hyperventilating.

"Yuki-kun…" She whispers softly. Her warmth oozing from her hands and her forehead as she gently presses them to my back. It was probably the nearest thing she could do to a comforting hug, "It's all right. We're all here behind you... I'm right here behind you..." 

With her simple words… almost immediately…  I feel a calm… soothing me and enveloping me like a pool of warm water. As if watching myself from some a point at the ceiling, I push past Hatori to get through that door that conceals you. I vaguely remember staring numbly at my hand for a few split seconds, wondering why it's trembling.

"NIISAN!!"

"Yuki? What are you doing here?" Your bewildered voice greets me

I couldn't help but gape in shock as my eyes focus to meet your surprised face. You are sitting in bed, left leg in a cast, propped comfortably on a pillow. We must look comical… our almost identical faces wearing almost identical expressions. 

"Eh…?" Honda-san utters behind me, bewilderment evident in her voice as well

"He fell off a ladder and broke his leg. He's staying here until he's fully recovered," the young Sohma doctor explains with a deep sigh

"EEEHHH!?!?" By now, it's not too difficult to imagine the look of shock in Honda-san's face 

I bow my head and clench my fists as realization dawn to me…

 "Yuki…" Hatori sighs, as he steers Honda-san out of the door with him, "Don't yell at him too much. I can vouch for Ayame that it's all Shigure's doing this time."  The door closes behind him, as if to shield the outside world from the explosion that is sure to occur.

"Ara? Can it be? That Yuki was actually worried about me?" Ayame's face brightens, "Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Gure-san assured me that Yuki would come as soon as possible (I didn't believe him of course). But here you are! This is the happiest day of my life! Finally, Yuki has come to realize and accepted the foundation of our brotherly lov—"

"YOU IDIOT! HOW CAN YOU DO THAT!? HOW CAN YOU LAUGH SO EASILY!? HOW CAN YOU BE SO CRUEL!?! I HATE YOU!!!" 

I rush forward without thinking and scream in your face. The words explode from my chest with such intensity that I too, feel just as astonished. You lower your eyes and bow your head, unexpectedly subdued. I swallow back the lump in my throat and hide my eyes behind my hair, trying hard to control the burning tears that's threatening to spill out. 

 I won't cry in front of you. I never cried in front of you before and I won't start now. 

I WON'T CRY IN FRONT OF YOU.

"When… Shigure called the school… then said… Niisan had an accident… I thought… I thought that Niisan was… I…"

…was afraid. 

I was so afraid.

How could you laugh so easily like that…

How can you make fun of me so easily like that… 

How can you not care about me so easily like that…

…when I was so afraid? 

I was so afraid… 

"I'm sorry," your deep voice is unusually serious, "I was so happy that Yuki came to see me…" 

"I hate you…I'll never forgive you…" I simply reply venomously

"Thank you. Yuki is really so much kinder than me. It's very humbling."

I look up and stare at you strangely, "Are you sure it was only your leg you hurt when you fell?"

 Your golden eyes simply stare back at me as you give me a warm smile, "Yuki is able to worry enough in order to hate me. I didn't even feel that much for you back then. So… I'm sorry," you bow your head in deep apology as your long arm reach out to put a hand on top of my head, "I'm sorry for making you worry so much, Yuki. I promise that I won't do it again."

I bow my head once again and lift one hand to rub against my eyes. And for the first time in my life, as the warm streams of sunlight from the perfect spring day filtered from the window to shine on us, I let the tears flow freely… and bawl in front of you… like a seven-year-old child.

OWARI (The End)


End file.
